Hilsen Fra ...

2006-09-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

Moved over to Wordpress Cause Blogger has an attitude.......
See me at Irisincharge

Father's Day

2006-06-19T20:11:00.000-04:00

The weekend was busy but fun. We decided to go visit the parents on Saturday. My brother told me he would be at our place early, "so be ready" he said. I was up at 8am - got ready -dragged Sof off the couch where she was up till 3 or 4am watching the World Cup.
What I failed to realize was that to my brother early means when he decides to drag his arse out of bed and make his way over to my place. Saturday he decided early was around 10h45.
The day before Sof and I headed out to pick up a gift for Pops for Father's Day. We considered clothes but honestly I cannot figure out men's sizes. Women's sizes are so simple...8 (which I don't fit into), 10 (which I don't fit into), 12 (which I ...) anyways moving along - So we decided to pick him up something from HMV.
I wanted to get him a DVD, but I could just picture him, nose stuck to the screen, trying to figure out which buttons to push. He has enough trouble with the tv remote. And he doesn't go near the computer. We ended up getting him a CD box set called The House that Trane Built. I had no idea how much he would love it.
We put the CD on before dinner and he sat there listening to it and was transported back to his youth for a bit. He got very emotional about it, remembering the guys he used to listen to and those he used to play with. Most of them are gone now - I think Br. AbdusSamad's (Billy Robinson) death last year really hit him.
I listened to some of the music later on that night and I heard a song he used to sing to me when I was a kid - a jazz piece with a chorus in the middle "the creator has a master plan..." That was special for me - it reminded me of Daddy when he was young, back in the day. I forget sometimes how many childhood memories involve him - how larger than life he was to me growing up. Is every girls father their first love? Probably not - which means I'm weird.

Sunday I spent the day with the girls escaping frm the heat by spending money at the mall. Bad habit that. We shopped a bit for Tiidy's wedding gift, a bit for our trip to Spain, a bit for no reason at all...

We all crashed back at the H house - watched World Cup, ate apple pie and whined about how the weekends were not long enough. We have plans this summer for a mass sick call...That's when we all call in sick on the same day and escape to the park with books, food and spend the day doing nothing at all.

I was going to try an post some pics, but besides being horrible pictures ( Sof had her inept hands on the camera), blogger is giving me a hard time uploading them.
We'll see how it goes later. I think she may have managed to take a couple of normal looking pics of the kids.

Helloooo!

2006-06-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

Day with the family - Father's Day etc...
Got my camera back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shopping with the girls
Summer in the city...Oh So Good for coffee -sitting beside annoying drunk people
More to come plus pics

God Kveld!!!!

Lions and Tigers and BEARS!!! Oh My...

2006-06-15T07:45:00.000-04:00

Look out for a sleepy bear in Westboro
Last updated Jun 13 2006 01:59 PM EDT CBC News
Residents of Ottawa's Westboro neighbourhood should keep an eye out for a dozy young bear.
The black bear cub kept police and conservation officers busy for more than three hours on Tuesday morning.
It was finally hit by a tranquilizer dart just before 9 a.m. in the backyard of a house on quiet, leafy Denbury Avenue. But, before the tranquilizer could take effect, the cub bolted, and has not been found.
Police and the Natonal Capital Commission stopped looking for the cub at 9:30 a.m, according to NCC spokeswoman Marie-Ève Létourneau.
The NCC is called in when wildlife strays into the city because its conservation officers are trained to use tranquilizer guns, and have experience with wildlife in the Gatineau Park.
Létourneau said the cub weighed about 150 pounds, and was about a year old.
Police notified local schools and community centres about the animal's presence.
If you should see a sleepy bear, you can call the NCC at 239-5353, or the Ottawa Police Service at 230-6211.

Some of you may know about my bear phobia. Ever since I was a kid I have been terrified of bears. Why? It's not like I have ever see one in person, or had a bad experience with one. In fact I love watching animal shows that feature bears in the wild. I am both fascinated and freaked out by them.
But get this; I used to have a re-occuring nightmare when I was a kid that had me coming face to face with a black bear in the middle of the street. I would wake up totally freaked out ...this lasted until I was in my teens. I have no idea why I had these dreams, but the result has been this irrational fear that in the middle of the city I would be walking down the street and all of a sudden come face to face with a big bear.
I guess it's not so irrational now after all.
I cannot even imagine what my reaction would have been if I had come upon that bear. I think I would have had a psychotic break.

Fragile

2006-06-13T22:56:00.000-04:00

Sick all weekend and just now recovering. I didn't keep my promise to myself (thanks for asking Sumayyah), but I did finally get my room in order. It only took me 4 months - that's progress for me.
Stress these days is climbing...work is taking up too much of my head as well as the usual stuff that occurs to throw you off balance for a minute. Whatever - I think of Andalucia and Brighton and I count down the weeks.

I guess should write a bit about how the guys arrested here are claiming they are being mistreated by the cops, or how there is a publication ban on the case now so we have no way of knowing what is happening.

Or I could write on how the community is reacting: Conspiracy: "It's a plot to make us look bad. They hate Muslims, why should we believe anything they say?" Young Hooligans: "They are more like neo-nazi skinheads than real terrorists. Just bigoted little hoodlums...a few years in jail will fix them." Misguided Youth: "Where were the Imams? Where were the parents? They're young, impressionable youth who need to be straightened out, talked to, reasoned with, anything but the Kingston Pen! Fanatics In Our Midst: "The mosques, the conferences, the khutbahs are all breeding grounds for this! Ban jumu'ah and all your problems are solved! What Arrests?: I was watching the MTV awards...what's going on?", etc....

I could also blog about howeveryone's trying to answer questions we as a community are showing our inability to answer. Maybe we have never had to be self critical enough to become part of the solution instead of part of the problem. We have cultivated a community that is left floundering, looking for someone to blame, instead of realizing that all of us together have had a hand in this.

Or I could just remark on how utterly sad it makes me to have to defend who I am to people every day. I do it as silently as their stares silently judge me. In my head I defend, I excuse, I apologize, I do not apologize...my community lives inside me, each group warring with the other, until I no longer know what I think or feel.
When I was a child Islam was my base, my center. When I wasn't part of any one group I was part of the Muslims. My center has been rocked but it still holds, no major cracks in the foundation. Regardless of how little I do know, one thing I am certain of:
“This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.”
(al-Maa’idah 5:3)

Allah's favour upon us is in this deen. It behooves us to treat it well, this perfect faith. Perhaps if we focused on that we would be in a different place.

My Reminder for today of who is in control of my life

2006-06-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

This reminded me of Ramadhan...being in the mosque late at night. Muslims from every nationality and walk of life - together kneeling in a row - Everyone bowing their heads and crying together as we plead for mercy and forgiveness. In those moments the differences between us disappear. We sit as Muslims, unified.

Listen

I am being forced to watch boxing....

2006-06-06T21:34:00.001-04:00

The bro is sick today. He is beyond pitiful. Moaning on the couch, acting as if he is dying of consumption. The men in my family are such babies when they are sick. I can't understand why he is so sickly to begin with...I swear almost every month he is laid out in the bed.
Of course that means I have to run around feeling his forehead, stuffing him full of advil and juice and being nice to him. He is getting to watch boxing and soccer which is why I have been on the computer for hours. I just gave him some neocitran from my box of expired medecines. Then in about 2 hours I will give him some more drugs and shuffle him of to bed so I can watch the animal channel.
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I made guacamole last night for the first time and almost put my eye out. Never stick a metal spoon into a blender that is ON. Take my word for it. There was guac everywhere - very gross.
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Dr. Sherman Jackson's book is seriously amazing. Every intuitive and not so intuitive thought you've ever had about Black people and Islam or immigrants and Islam is laid out. I'm doing the usual reading of 4 different books at once so it is taking me longer to read than usual but it is so worth it. When I saw him in Toronto I asked him a question that I would love to get more follow-up on. I wonder if he would respond if I tracked him down and emailed him? He probably doesn't remember me.
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Promise to self: This weekend is the weekend I break out the paints again. It has been too long and I have so many new paintings waiting inside me to come out, as well as others to finish.
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Note to self: Follow through with promise to self

Norway Dumps Walmart!

2006-06-06T21:29:00.000-04:00

Good for them! It is so nice to see a hint of interest in humankind from a government. Imagine what the world would be like if more governments took a stand.

Link

Pet Peeve 1

2006-06-06T18:01:00.000-04:00

So I'm in the car with Jazz and walking down the street is a Muslim couple. It is a hot June day, the sun is blazing away and here is this Muslim woman dressed in a thick jilbaab and niqab.
You can barely see her eyes and the tips of her fingers, but at least it wasn't black - She was jazzing it up a bit in a pale green. Meanwhile her husband was sauntering along in a t-shirt and some khakis.
Look I understand that mens' dress requirements are less strict than for us women, but if your wife is going to go all out, can't you even put on a kufi?
It irritates the heck out of me to see these men wandering around in shorts and t-shirts, and I swear tank tops, while their wives cover head to toe. And I know, I know, a beard is not the be all and end all of religious commitment, but c'mon...your wife is a niqabi and you can't grow a little stubble just as a nod to the sunnah?
What would really be funny is if I ran into a guy in full sunnah garb and his wife was in shorts...actually you know I did see something like that once. My friend and I almost had a heart attack. The guy had a fluffy beard and SHORT PANTS, and was walking by with a girl in a skirt and t-shirt with no hijab. It was hysterical. I found out later he was doing dawah..(converting) her...They're married now. I hope they don't see this.

Updates

2006-06-04T15:02:00.000-04:00

Toronto Suspects

Engaging Muslims

Muslim Reaction

Social Identity in Muslim Youth

2006-06-04T14:14:00.000-04:00

The definition of what social identity is, taken from the web.

Social Identity Theory was developed by Tajfel and Turner in 1979. The theory was originally developed to understand the psychological basis of intergroup discrimination. Tajfel et al (1971) attempted to identify the minimal conditions that would lead members of one group to discriminate in favor of the ingroup to which they belonged and against another outgroup.

In the Social Identity Theory, a person has not one, “personal self”, but rather several selves that correspond to widening circles of group membership. Different social contexts may trigger an individual to think, feel and act on basis of his personal, family or national “level of self” (Turner et al, 1987). Apart from the “level of self”, an individual has multiple “social identities”.

Social identity is the individual’s self-concept derived from perceived membership of social groups (Hogg & Vaughan, 2002). In other words, it is an individual-based perception of what defines the “us” associated with any internalized group membership. This can be distinguished from the notion of personal identity which refers to self-knowledge that derives from the individual’s unique attributes.

Social Identity Theory asserts that group membership creates ingroup/ self-categorization and enhancement in ways that favor the in-group at the expense of the out-group. The examples (minimal group studies) of Turner and Tajfel (1986) showed that the mere act of individuals categorizing themselves as group members was sufficient to lead them to display ingroup favoritism. After being categorized of a group membership, individuals seek to achieve positive self-esteem by positively differentiating their ingroup from a comparison outgroup on some valued dimension. This quest for positive distinctiveness means that people’s sense of who they are is defined in terms of ‘we’ rather than ‘I’.

Tajfel and Turner (1979) identify three variables whose contribution to the emergence of ingroup favoritism is particularly important.
A- the extent to which individuals identify with an ingroup to internalize that group membership as an aspect of their self-concept.
B- the extent to which the prevailing context provides ground for comparison between groups.
C- the perceived relevance of the comparison group, which itself will be shaped by the relative and absolute status of the ingroup.

Individuals are likely to display favoritism when an ingroup is central to their self-definition and a given comparison is meaningful or the outcome is contestable.

I found this interesting article written back in 2001. It looks at Muslim social identity in Canadian schools. This is an area that needs more looking into especially considering the political and social climate we are dealing with these days. InshaAllah, I hope to contribute one day to the body of literature already out there!
Here is an excerpt:

Zine Jasmin, Muslim Youth in Canadian Schools: Education and the Politics of Religious Identity,
Anthropology & Education Quarterly December 2001, Vol. 32, No. 4: 399-423

In an empirically based study, Jacobson (1998) examined the issue of religion and identity
among British Pakistani youth. She discovered a sense of ambivalence among her participants as they not only attempted to negotiate a sense of religious identity, but also to contend with cultural hybridity.

Jacobson argues that it is precisely within the complex and mutable social arrangements of identity formation that religious identity flourishes. She found that the contradiction of adherence to a "clearly defined set of absolute universal values," (1998:104) and at the same time, varying degrees of ambivalence over their identity engendered by their social conditions and minoritized status, actually helped these youth anchor their sense of religious identity.

In Jacobson's study, religious identity was regarded as an "anchor" to help keep Muslim youth grounded amidst the complex malleability of contemporary identity politics.

In a study of Somali Muslims in Toronto and London, Berns McGown makes a similar contention, also describing religion as an "anchor" that provided certainty during the tumultuous experience of displacement and integration into a new society: It [Islam] provided an oasis of tranquility amid the dislocation of refugee straits and the turmoil of adjusting to a new culture, trying to learn a new language, and attempting to find jobs What was valuable about it was the very ritual of stepping outside the daily struggle, five times over the course of the day, to concentrate on the prayers that never alter, in rhythmic language that linked them to a community of believers that was theirs no matter where in the world they were. [1999:98]

Both studies point to the saliency of religious identification in diasporic settings as a means to mediate the dissonance and challenge of living inenvironments that were laced with conflicting cultural values and practices.

Days of Terror

2006-06-03T22:18:00.000-04:00

Today I tuned into the news to discover that the police have arrested 17 men on suspicion of terrorism. They are from Toronto, and apparently have been under surveillance since 2004. I can't believe that if what they say is true, that these guys actually were planning to bomb something! It seems unbelivable for Canada too - I mean this is the sort of thing that occurs in other countries doesn't it? My naivete coming into play - or plain unwillingness to recogize the ugliness at my front door.
What goes through somebody's head when they plan something like this? I do not understand how faith can transform itself into such arrogant self-righteous anger.
Faith is supposed to bring you peace, it is supposed to calm you. It's not supposed to turn you into a homicidal maniac.
Maybe our problem stems from the fact that Muslims insist on practicing Islam that is foreign to our reality here in North America. We don't lend ourselves to questioning, we rarely think outside the box and the concept of re-invigorating our religion is equated with bid'ah constantly. Perhaps we should be more concerned with the situation of the Muslims here at home rather than the decades old conflicts being played out overseas.
This shouldn't diminish what is happening in Iraq or Palestine of course, but it's not like we are helping them any right now.
I am just so tired of hearing about terrorism and prisons and war and hate and dying.
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Dr. Sherman Jackson writes so eloquently about North American, specifically Black Islam. There is so much to do here, so much to learn and so many changes to make as a community. He inspires you to look beyond the status quo and reach for real truth. If more Muslims read his works and listened to his lectures maybe we would not have these issues.
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Sigh...

2006-06-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

Allow me to introduce you to my boyfriend...

Luverly.

Just frikkin frikken luverly!

Better than a Cookie!

2006-06-01T20:54:00.000-04:00

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while!
Somebody save the men!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hamza El Din

2006-05-28T00:06:00.000-04:00

Innalilahi Wa Innailayhi Raji'un

I just saw this tonight on the Zaytuna Website. Hamza El Din was a great musician. His music is so peaceful - it is the kind of music that pierces your heart when you listen to it.

Inna Lillahi wa Inna alayhi rajiun

We are saddened to announce that the great Oud player, da'ee, and dear friend of Zaytuna Institute, Hamza El Din passed away yesterday in California. Sidi Hamza was an exceptionally beautiful man who was loved by our shuyookh and people all around the world. His masterful and inspired musicianship and his beautiful character represented the highest examples of the beauty that Islam can inspire. His work was a source of enrichment for a great many people worldwide and a door through which scores of people came to Islam. We are deeply saddened by his passing. May Allah give him the highest reward. Please make du'a for him and his family.

Here is another obit in the New York Times

Can't wait till August!

2006-05-25T22:37:00.000-04:00

Yasmin and I booked our tickets to England last week. Ubah better be done her thesis by then! We are flying into Gatwick on the 16th of August and are going to be travelling around till the 31st. We'll get Ubah to show around Sussex for a few days and then hopefully making our way to Spain! I can't wait - Ubah is looking for cheap tickets as we speak. I really want to go to Southern Spain. I just may decide to stay there and paint orange trees for the rest of my life. My biggest concern is the cost of lodgings. We have places to stay in Sussex, London and I think we have connections in Madrid, so that should save us some money. We don't have that much to spend - I have to be able to pay some money to the University when I get back. Yas has also decided that she wants to go to Paris now too. I could care less, but she wants to spend a day or two sightseeing.
I can't wait to get out of here. Hopefully the flight we will be good. I hate flying and have to drug myself before I board a plane or I will have a full blown panic attack. It's so sad...how did I get so crazy? It must be the family - in fact I'm pretty sure it is :)
I just want to pretend I'm a vagabond with no ties and no responsibilites for 14 days. Then I can come home and continue my anxiety attacks. :)
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The reunion in Philadelphia is most likely going to be cancelled. I am relieved because I felt so guilty about not being able to make it after I told Grandma D I would be there. All the aunts are getting so old and it's becoming difficult for them to plan the reunions like they used to. Grandma is sick, Aunt Theresa is sick...I told Naima to see if we could plan something around Christmas. Hopefully they will be feeling better then.
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The weather was beautiful today! After work we went downtown and sat on a patio for hours watching people go by. The city comes alive in the summer. We were in the Market area and people were getting ready to start partying for the weekend. I was so happy to just sit and soak up the sun and fresh air. It's been too long - no one is happier than Canadians once the weather turns nice.

Bored...

2006-05-23T19:37:00.000-04:00

Tired of My Face

2006-05-23T18:42:00.000-04:00

Women Bringing About Change Without Hate

2006-05-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

On the subject of women who lead by example, who bring about change, who break the status quo, who make people take notice...And she doesn't even hate her religion or Muslims. Go figure!

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The women won it
Salma Yaqoob
May 13, 2006 08:28 AM

Last week a little piece of history was made in Sparkbrook as I was elected to serve as Respect's first Birmingham city councillor. For Respect, it was an important breakthrough. But it was significant too that I became the only female Muslim councillor in the city.

This was a small step to the left in a city where too many people turned to the far right. Not for Nick Cohen, who sees only "...a slice of the electorate in a poor part of Britain that is so lost in identity politics and victimhood that it will vote for those who stoke their rage, no matter how worthless they are." This bigoted perception of Muslims has nothing in common with the realities of our lives or our struggles.

When the ballots were counted, we had polled nearly 50% of the vote and won with the third highest vote in the city. It was a crushing defeat for my opponents. It was only possible because we challenged the traditional conservatism that denies leading public positions to women, and challenged the old order, which treats our communities as silent voting fodder. And it was only possible because we united people around a progressive message of anti-racism and social justice.

While Birmingham has a large and very politically engaged Muslim community, its representatives are exclusively male, largely convinced that this is the right and natural order of things, and very determined to maintain the status quo. Gender played an important role in my election victory.

For my opponents, it was a point of attack. Representatives of both Labour and the Liberal Democrats pandered to conservative attitudes within the Muslim community about the position of women. At election meetings and polling booths, Lib Dem and Labour activists urged Muslim men not to vote for a woman because it was "un-Islamic". The fact that I had not adopted my husband's surname was evidence of me being insufficiently subservient. Instead of serious engagement with the issues, smears about my commitment to my family as a mother, daughter and wife abounded. The "dishonour" of even being challenged by a woman, and the precedent that this might set, ensured that local Lib Dem and Tory supporters worked behind the scenes to support the sitting Labour councillor.

What became clear to me, however, was that while such views might find favour with some more elderly and religiously conservative layers in the community, the women were having none of it. Time after time, I knocked on households with "Vote Labour" posters to be told by the women of the house "our dad is Labour, but you've got our vote". Groups of Muslim women, armed with clipboards and Respect rosettes, pounded the streets and canvassed their sisters. On polling day, Respect was the only party with a visible female presence at the polling stations.

And, it should be said, Respect had the only visible white presence at the polling stations as well. For ours was a campaign that placed unity in pursuit of progressive objectives above who you know, whose family you are close to, or which mainstream party you can sell your principles to for the greatest personal reward.

What I saw in our campaign was a new confidence, pride and unity from all sections of our community. This confidence was most pronounced among women. But Nick Cohen sees only "Islamists", "victimhood", "identity politics", and "rage". He purports to direct his fire against Respect. But his contempt for the 4,339 people who voted for me is obvious

Support The Chicks

2006-05-23T02:19:00.000-04:00

Dixie Chicks taking a stand: Natalie Maines is one of those people born middle finger first. As a high school senior in Lubbock, Texas, she'd skip a class a day in an attempt to prove that because she never got caught and some Mexican students did, the system was racist ... Now that she's truly notorious, having told a London audience in 2003, on the eve of the Iraq war, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas," Maines has one regret: the apology she offered George W. Bush at the onset of her infamy. "I apologized for disrespecting the office of the President," says Maines. "But I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel he is owed any respect whatsoever." A sizable chunk of their once adoring audience feels the same way about the Dixie Chicks. After Maines' pronouncement, which was vigorously seconded by bandmates Martie Maguire and Emily Robison, the group received death threats and was banned by thousands of country radio stations, many of which still have informal bans in place. The Dixie Chicks have mass appeal--you can't sell 10 million copies of two of your three albums without engaging lots of different people--but country radio is an indispensable part of how they reach people. Programmers say that even now a heartfelt apology could help set things right with listeners, but it's not happening. "If people are going to ask me to apologize based on who I am," says Maines, "I don't know what to do about that. I can't change who I am." It takes a lot of guts to go on the record with sentiments like this. It will be interesting to see how well their new album will sell if this is how they are promoting it. I have never purchased a Dixie Chicks album in my life ... but I do plan on buying this new album. Go, Chicks, Go (frm PITNB)

My head is buried firmly in the sand...

2006-05-23T01:02:00.000-04:00

Wedding fever is over. I had two weddings to go to this weekend in two different cities. Beautiful brides, good food - what more can you ask for. I attended my first Catholic wedding. It was really nice, traditional and religious which is always nice these days. We danced the night away too which resulted in a karmic boomerang of battered feet the next day. Never go dancing wearing new 4 inch heels borrowed from a cheap friend who shops at crappy stores. Thankfully I was able to sit for most of the night at the next wedding I went to.
Hopefully I will get some pics up soon.
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I am so sick of the whole Ayan Hirsi affair. I guess I like to stick my head in the sand sometimes when it comes to these issues. People are furiously discussing, debating, arguing over points and counterpoints. I never take any of these women seriously. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it's because I view anyone who opts out of the religion to have no basis to their arguments. I have always viewed Islam as a complex system of fundamental truths surrounded by many grey areas. Certain things are not negotiable; prayer, fasting etc.. but there are many things that leave you room to breath. I have never felt constrained or put upon and I grew up in a pretty strict family. Culture plays such a big part in how you integrate religion into your life no matter what religion you are. I think that's why I get so annoyed with people like Hirsi. I have so much more respect for the countless women I have seen who work quietly to change the status quo through example and actions. I get so tired of hearing about the same old debates: Islam oppresses women - no it doesn't - yes it does....
Men oppress women - patriarchy oppresses women - sexism oppresses women - imperialism oppresses women and every fuckin culture/society, takes each one of these things and applies it in different ways. Western cultures oppresses women differently than Eastern cultures but it is still oppression. To think otherwise is simple denial of fact.
That being said I find it so much more useful to promote education, peace, understanding which leads to empathy and the eventual eradication of bigotry.
Of course Muslims have issues to handle. What group of people doesn't? But doesn't it seem intuitive that if you insult people they will have no interest in what you have to say? If you want people to listen to your ideas maybe you should respect them for who they are first, even if you disagree with them.
I sat in class this year and listened to a group of white women furiously defend hijab and a woman's right to wear it. It was one of the most interesting things I have ever seen. I just sat back and listened - I didnt have to say a word. In the same class I also listened to some people defend issues such as women-centred porn. Whatever my opinion, I owed those speaking my attention and respect. They afforded me the same respect when I put forth arguments against it. If only it was always that easy!
The people who have had the biggest impact on me are those who don't pontificate, but show through their actions and behaviour what they believe in.
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Fish bangers anyone?

2006-05-17T21:46:00.000-04:00

So I found this blog about fish...I love people

So many celebrations!!!

2006-05-15T18:58:00.000-04:00

We took a little trip up to my parents yesterday. We had to have a family barbeque before my brother and his esposa took off for Hawaii. Lucky kids. 2 weeks of white sand and sun. They bought my parents a new grill. My dad refuses to use anything but charcoal so it took forever to find one. Daddy has not forgiven his best friend (he of the fiery beard) for switching over to gas this year.

This was a weekend for celebrating! It was my sister's birthday Friday, my sister-in-laws birthday today, it's my nephew's birthday tomorrow, it was Mother's Day yesterday and it is Norwegian Independence Day on Wednesday!!!

My nephew is 1 tomorrow and he is still the size of a peanut. It is hysterical.

We had a really nice visit. On the way home my brother remarked on how many blessings we have in our life. To be able to be together and enjoy each other's company is so wonderful. It is so nice to get encouragement from each other as well. We are all in such different places in our lives, and we all have something to offer each other I think. At least I feel that way.

My parents were so pleased to see us all. Daddy looked really well. He has gained some weight and seemes to be feeling healthy. His specialist said that he has mild kidney disease which can be taken care of by keeping his blood pressure down. So InshaAllah....It is so hard to keep him away from things he is not supposed to eat though! He gets really possessive over things like cake...

Mummy has herself a nice Mother's Day. We bought her some expensive face stuff, which she loved and she got flowers from Munajj and Elisa.

The barbeque was sensational. Hamood is so obsessive about his barbeque method. He wouldn't let anyone near the food until it was all ready, and we were starving. Elisa kept begging for a hot dog but he wouldn't budge. But it was well worth it.

Mustafa and Jameela and their family stopped by. The kids are so cute ...the last time I saw Jameela she only had two - I guess it's been a while because she had four little sproggs running around yesterday.

We are starting to think about the summer and having a huge barbeque with all our favourite people. The only person that will be missing is our lovely Sumayyah.

Grandma D is in the hospital again. She keeps falling and cracking bones. The doctor won't let her go home alone anymore and she is kicking up a fuss. I told her if she promised to let somebody live with her to take care of her I would make my way to Philadelphia this summer for our family reunion. I'm too poor to go to Europe so I might as well go an eat a hoagie in Philli....

Here are some more pics from yesterday:

Before:

After:

Norske-ness Confirmed

2006-05-15T18:43:00.000-04:00

My mama's first ever blotkake (Norwegian Birthday Cake)
Oddly enough she has never made one before. I mean she's made everything else...for pete's sake she used to make her own yoghurt!

Blackness Confirmed

2006-05-11T19:42:00.000-04:00

I am so glad this week is almost over!!! I am so tired of working...all I want to do is sit under a tree and look at the sky. What a life we lead - who invented the 9-5 work day anyway?
The weather here has been so beautiful- sunny with a breeze...it makes you seek out a patio, a cold drink and good company.
I am reading Islam and the Blackamerican by Dr. Sherman Jackson. This book is a must read for every Black muslim and those who would understand us. It is brilliant. I can't believe I have found someone who expresses with such clarity and eloquence the story of Black folk and Islam. I have had so many discussions over the years with people about what it means to be a Muslim in this part of the world, what it means to be a Black Muslim and especially what it means to be children of converts to Islam. You spend your life searching for your place in a religion defined for you by others, which is something I have always rejected. The only community feel comfortable in is the small unit back in Montreal, that is a few families strong. If you see us together you wil notice that we are all converts or children of converts...one or two are immigrant Muslims who married in. That is the only place I feel truly at home. We are only human, Muslims integrating our Western sides and Islam in our lives, making errors along the way for sure....

The Cat Whisperer

2006-05-07T01:58:00.000-04:00

I miss my Fidelito.
I just finished some strange rant on one of the mailing lists I'm on. Some girl was going on and on about music and how we are all destined to hell and then some and how some nasheed singers are causing fitnah in the ummah because girls are swooning for them as they sing about Allah and the Rasul (saw). Okay so girls shouldn't swoon, but I'd rather have my kid swoon over nasheeds than freakin mysoginistic asses like fiddy. This girl was actually screaming in her email - you could tell because she was using caps on certain words like HELL and DAMNATION!!!!!!!
I love Muslims like that. They cannot for the life of them hold a discussion with differing opinions without screeching and resorting to name calling (usually with words like mushrik and kuffar being thrown around). You know what I like to do to people like that? I stare at them for a couple of seconds and then I say "SOOOOOFI!", and watch them wail and melt into the floor. They melt away ....it's quite fun.

Went to a bachelorette party for Esther tonight. Jazzy drove me and we got lost for an hour and a half before we found the house. I hate the suburbs...I felt like I was in a different dimension. Smiley Blancos and their children of the corn.
Anyways because we were so late I only got to spend about 45 minutes there before the limo came to whisk them off to a night of drinking and merriment. Regardless it was nice to meet all of Esther's friends and to see her looking so happy.
The people upstairs are drunk again. I swear these people drink non-stop. They come home bellowing at around 2am and leave me marvelling at how bloody assinine they are. People have no class...I mean do you have to do it every night?

The anxiety is settling in again. It has started to come at night, always around the same time. I can feel it building up before I go to bed and ten by the time I get ito bed it is full blown. I can't figure it out. It is getting worse and worse. Certain things will help it go away - I painted a picture in my head once (I'm hoping to capture it on canvas soon), and the other night I started to meditated in bed. Last night I just said screw it and popped a pill which I hate to do. I am trying to stay away from relying on meds for this. Carey says it is my bdy trying to communicate with me and I should respect the process. I just get so frustrated because it is coming at a time when I need to sleep - I don't have time to be dealing wigh my crazies when I have to get up in 5 hours.
Maybe if I meditate before I get into bed it will help. So instead of jumping into bed right after salah I will actually take the time to calm my body down. Carey is probably right...she usually is. I thought I was having some sort of asthma attack and she was like "ummm...I think you are having an anxiety attack". Better than asthma right? It means my 12 years of smoking hasn't manifested itself negatively yet.

Anybody Hiring?

2006-05-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

School is finally done! I handed in my last paper on Saturday after a few heart stopping moments involving disappearing footnotes (did you know email doesn't save any formatting?) and a locked printer room door. I swear I aged 10 years trying to get this paper handed in on time.
Was in Montreal for a farewell to a friend. She is off to live with the midnight sun and commune with nature. Lucky her. We had such a nice time. It is so nice to see everyone ...the Petrus's have the best barbeques, the food is amazing, the company unparalleled...you always feel like a million dollars after you've left their house. I don't think people tell them enough, or show their appreciation to them for how they bring people together and make each of them feel so special. There must be a special place in jannah for them.
I am looking for a second job this summer to try an save up for my tuition. I was thinking maybe a bookstore or something similar. If I manage to save enough maybe I will actually have enough for a little trip. Right now the only trips I take are in my head.

Onward Muslim soldiers!

2006-04-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

One....more....paper....to....go....

Topic: Should men seek to contribute to the generation of feminist theory? If so, how? If not, why not?

At this point a goat could contribute and I wouldn't care...one more paper and then 4 months of freedom.

Found this today...

2006-04-23T19:49:00.000-04:00

(X) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(X) Been in love
(X) Shoplifted
(X) Quit your job
( ) Filed for divorce
( ) Been in a fist fight
( ) Broken a bone
( ) Saved someone's life
( ) Been arrested
(X) Gone on a blind date (more times than I want to count)
(X) Lied to a friend
(X) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die (My plant?)
(X) Been to Canada (I sometimes come off my cloud to walk among the Canucks eh?)
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Swam in the ocean ( I looked at it though...does that count?)
(X) Felt like dying
(X) Been stung by a bee (wasp)
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently coloured your hair
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls (when I was 11...I swear...ok maybe once last year)
(X) Lost over 20 pounds (yes, during my heroin chic days aka crazy in love)
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain (it's been a while, but yes I have danced)
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Had your opinion printed in the newspaper
( ) Taken a bubble bath with someone
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach (ha ha I tried but I couldn't get it to light!)
( ) Crashed a party
( ) Gone roller-skating
(X) Ice-skating (true Canucks all skate!)

2006-04-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

I cannot wait till this is over!!! The last week of finals and I have officially contracted writers block......... I mean I am writing but nothing is making any sense....which is not good considering it is not the alcoholic professor who will be grading this, it's the one who actually has EXPECTATIONS of me. Do you know how scary that is? Sometimes it's better if people just expect crap from you.

Not only do I have writers block I have serious procrastinationitis which compells me to spend hours trolling the internet looking for anything to amuse myself. On top of that I seem to have developped chronic fatigue syndrom which is causing me to crave sleep as I have never craved it before.
Add to that the overwhelming desire for chocolate, ice cream, wings, espresso, Booster Juice (Brazilian Thunder, no bananas please!) ...and you get a little snapshot into my last 24 hours.

I have 12 more pages to write. Inspiration is sure to come at midnight as I pound away on my laptop trying to finish before my 12noon deadline.

Two papers to go and then I am going to sleep for a week. And watch as much Judge Judy as I freakin want!

2006-04-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

Is it possible that we will never live in a world of peace?
I don't know why I am surprised.
When you study history you can see how we are a species hell bent on destroying each other. We cannot abide anyone different than us, we hate with such vehemence those that have different opinions than us, and in positions of power we try our hardest to wipe out anyone weaker than us.
Sometimes it gets to be too much to bear for me. I am feeling such a feeling of fatigue and helplessness today. Don't people ever get tired of hating?

2006-04-20T01:40:00.000-04:00

I always thought that we learned from our parents in essence how to be different than them. My parents certainly thought that about theirs. I am not so sure now. The older I get the more I see we are all living our parents story out albeit in different ways. Not that it is always negative. There are many positives to seeing how we are all connected through shared blood and history. Why then do we focus on the negatives? Why do so many of us lead lives of reaction against some past hurt imagined or real? Those that raise us shape us so clearly, molding us like artists. They imprint on us their past, their present and future. All their pain and joy, thier hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. A soul claiming another forever...no escape.
It can be so strange to look in the mirror sometimes and see another face staring back at you. You realize then that we are all the same. Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh.
So what is it in us that makes us believe that we are so unique and special that life will be different for us? That our choices will be better or that we will understand what they didn't?
The arrogance of youth? The need to believe we are in control?
Love for them binds you to them in a manner created by the Divine. How else could someone exist under your skin, close to your heart forever? No crude words can describe that kinship, that recognition of yourself in them and their recogition of themselves in you.

2006-04-15T10:11:00.000-04:00

April showers bring May flowers....It's the kind of day where you stay in bed, under the covers listening to the rain fall. You should definitely not be at work talking to cracky patients.
I am going to my first Opera tonight! I cannot wait. I have loved opera music since I was young, so this is so exciting. It is a production of Falstaff, which I have to admit I have never listened to - It is a comedy and I lean more toward the dramatic, everybody dies of galloping consumption type of stories.
I listened to that reggae rabbi guy...his name is Matisyahu and he is really interesting...I've only listened to one song but it was really good.

2006-04-10T23:07:00.000-04:00

Our beloved Shaykh Muhammad Al-Yaqoubi's first wife, Umm Ibrahim has just died in a car accident and his daughter injured. Please remember their family in our duas, read Sura Yasin InshaAllah.

2006-04-09T09:38:00.000-04:00

Been off for a while sludging through the wilds of academia....
I've been to Africa where there are Asante, and Nguni and Xhosa. Where Sokoto rose up under Usman Dan Fodio and the Mandinka fell to the Europeans.
I've been to the edge of reason trying to decipher where I stand on humanism vs gynocentric feminism. And gave up trying to explain that 'gyno' doesn't refer specifically to someone's (whisper) vagina.....
I discovered exclusion; why, how, whatever. Collective guilt, angst and forgiveness.
Research question: Do Muslims feel collective guilt? Ever? Or do we hide behind the justifications of the 'evil' West made me do it?
Am now at the stage of anxiety ridden studying for exams.
The summer off, I can't wait!
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I moved residences about a week or so ago. My new place is very nice, large and much more airy than the last place I was in. My brother called my last apartment Aushwitz, but I think he exaggerates.
The neighbourhood is being built up to rival one of the trendier areas in the city. I can tell people I live in the 'Village' now!
My darling little witty is gone. I gave him to my brother on account of my allergies. I miss his fat little self, but he was hella trouble.
--------------------

Cousin Matt went home the other day. After spending a month with my parents I think he now has the fear of God in him. His sister said "You see? You could have had it like that all your life!!!" Ha! She has no idea....
Apparently he now has a new appreciation for his parents. Don't worry it won't last.

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2006-03-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

Drama Mama

Waiting for Matt at the airport. The customs agent does not find our situation funny...."your uncle threw him on a plane?" "So what is he supposed to be doing here?" Trying to explain that he didn't throw him, he booted him gently. Poor Matt...This is his third time flying down here. If he gets turned away I don't know what they will do. How does an 18 yr. old boy feel when nobody seems to want him? Being a parent is highly overrated. The next person who coos to me "c'monnnnnnn....you don't want a cute little babeeeeee?", I'm going to smack them in the mouth.
This week has been tough. Everyone has been dealing with things in their own way I guess. SOme more productively than others.
When a person is hysterical what are you supposed to do? In the movies they slap them really hard in the face. I think there is a hadith against that.
Why do people get hysterical? Let's see....death, maiming, loss of job, house burning down, being robbed at gunpoint.... those I have no problem with. Go for it and let it all hang out. Shriek and throw yourself on the ground, let the world know that you are having a bad day.
Aside from that please save the drama Mama. Save it.

Daddy has to go for more kidney tests. Apparently his kidney function is not good so his doc is thinking of sendin ghim to a specialist in Kingston because the wait time here is too long. What do you say to something like that? Part of me shuts down because I can't afford to care too much. I'm trying to deal with things on a day to day basis and not get ahead of myself. We are all sitting here going "so who is going to give their kidney?" Cause you know that's what is going to happen?
Shit...I like my freakin kidneys.

My test results were negative...which means I never heard back from them.. If you don't hear back it is a good sign. It doesn't mean they lost the results, or the lab assistant put them on the wrong tray, or the doc never got the message that there were stat results to be delivered...
it just means I am healthy. I'm just the kind of freak who bleeds for no reason. I can live with that. I hope.

2006-02-28T19:44:00.000-05:00

Cats Should Not Eat Grapes

Apparently grapes can make them violently ill. Which explains kitty witty's episodes of violent vomitting after he eats them. He loves grapes, especially the green ones. If I leave them out on the counter he eats them all. I guess I will have to restrict his access.
He's already poisoned himself with Advil and had to have an emergency detox at the vets.
I wonder if strawberries are okay for cats?

2006-02-26T03:02:00.000-05:00

How To Procrastinate

Wake up at 11h00am...stay in bed and get on laptop to check news sites, check all 5 email inboxes, check news sites again,
Woah! Sheryl Crow has breast cancer!....
phone rings...ignore it
Hungry...I eat a big bowl of Cheerios in bed and then I feel sick. Am I allergic to food now? Imagine how skinny I would get. I sit and daydream about being skinny again.
12h00pm - ok paper on the social psychology of exclusion due Monday. Get started. I pile all 15 articles around me in bed and I feel productive. Good job! Check news sites again in case world has come to an end. Unfortunately it seems to be going strong so I guess paper is still due Monday.
12h30pm - I am sleepy. Lay back and close eyes. Phone rings...ignore it.
Whoever this is is persistent...answer damn phone. Jazzy says she is coming over. I have a paper due and I have only written 2 pages of gibberish but I know she needs me right now so I must be there for my friend.
dum dee dumm that's what friends are for...lalalala (dionne warwick et al.)
1h00pm - Jazzy and I sit in kitchen and discuss very important life matters. Sheryl Crows' cancer, how much Madonna sucks, family secrets, the weather (sick of winter already!), how important my paper is and how I will totally be in trouble if I don't get inspired really soon.... Nothing like good conversation.
2h00pm - Delio comes over! Haven't seen her in a while so I have to spend time with her too. Saf wakes up and joins us. I am having a party in my kitchen. woohoo!
2h30pm - Somebody suggests we go out and eat. We are all starving. Honestly. If we don't get waffles and crepes right away we will die.
Get dressed. Console myself with knowledge that I will be writing paper in my head while we are eating so all I have to do is come home and put it on paper. Cause I'm smart like that.
3h30pm - Oh my g-d this is biggest waffle I have ever eaten! Delio says there are no calories in waffles. She is smart, she saves lives for a living so I believe her. I eat part of her crepe too.
4h15pm - Sit because we cannot move. I cannot believe I ate so much. I am going to have to do sit-ups tonight. I hate sit-ups.
There are a lot of mixed people in this restaurant. It makes me uncomfortable. Should I smile and nod? Or just raise my eyebrows in recognition? What is the protocol?
4h30 - Jazzy pisses me off so I EXCLUDE her. I will use this in my paper on the psychology of social exclusion. See...I am writing it as we sit.
4h45 - Let's just check out one store in the mall.
5h30 - 4 stores later. This mall sucks. We get in the car and go to another mall. I really should get home and start paper. Really.
6h00pm - HMV to check out CDs. I buy Leonard Cohen's greatest hits. Bye some DVDs for friend. Mexx...oooohhhh nice coat! On sale....I want it. I hope I have money in my account. SO embarassing when you are declined in front of everybody. Not that it's happened to me. I buy coat.
7h30pm - Still shopping. I am in so much trouble. I am going to be up all night writing about bloody social exclusion. I hate my life.
8h00pm - Hungry again. Who wants Thai food? Leave mall. See cute dog. Pet it. Forget I am allergic to dogs. Rub my eye with hand that pet freakin dog. Oh my g-d is my eye najis now? crap. Whatever it is it's burning and swelling like crazy. I look like a freak.
8h30pm - I love Thai food. SO yummy.
9h30pm - I ate too much.
9h45pm - we make a Second Cup run because I am sooo going to be up all night writing this STUPID paper! Large latte, no foam, extra shot of espresso please.
10h00pm - home at last. My eye is still swollen shut. Climb into bed. Articles still here. Laptop to check news site. World is still here. Check email. Check blogs. Check glitteratigossip.
11h00pm - start writing paper. I am so tired. My life sucks. I am so not answering the phone tomorrow.....

2006-02-24T22:03:00.000-05:00

Update on Earthquake

2006-02-24T21:05:00.000-05:00

Let's Pretend Today Never Happened.....

When it rains it pours

SO my cousin called and informed us that Matt never got on the plane in LA. He "missed" his flight according to him. Of course he didn't bother telling anyone until my brother had driven an hour to get to the airport and was heading in to get him.
As we speak he is hunkered down at Nicole's husbands liquor store in the ghetto waiting till his Dad cools down before he goes home.
This is just going to go from bad to worse. Matt reminds me of my brothers, except they were not in LA where messing up can get you killed. His family is trying to keep him alive until he grows some sense.
Next....
My parents are in town because my Dad has been having chest pains, numbness in his arm, nausea....classic symptoms of what folks? A HEART FREAKING ATTACK? yes that would be right.
SO instead of going to the emergency room like any normal person, my Dad first tries to put off going until Monday "nah man it's nothing...let's wait to see how I feel after the weekend" ,
then he gets in the car and drives an hour away to visit his Dr. at his clinic. Where they are known to stash echo machines, defibrillators, nitroglycerin, etc...yeah sure.
Of course they have no cel phone so I have no way of contacting them to see if they are okay. My paper is never going to get writ.
Last...
EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting here on the phone trying to figure my family out when my cat almost falls on me (he likes to pretend he is royalty and sits on the back of the couch like it's a throne). The entire building starts shaking for about 4 or 5 seconds. I thought one of the snow trucks outside had run into the side of the building. My sister calls me 5 minutes later from work shrieking about how her entire building almost fell down. Channel 17 confirmed it: we were hit with an earthquake, more details to come...
I called my poor brother who is on his way home with no cousin in tow--he felt nothing but he is too concerned with the fact that he forgot his glasses at home and can' t see a damn thing.
"what is going on?" he said.
"I don't know, I replied, but just call me when you get home and we will try to pretend this day never happened."

2006-02-24T19:30:00.000-05:00

Family Ties

A phone call from the cousin this morning informs me that her brother has just boarded a plane to Canada. With a one-way ticket.
HA!
Apparently he done a bad thing, his Daddy wupped his tail and then stuck him on a plane from LA to us.
HA!
Poor poor kid has no idea what he's in for. He gets to hang out with my Dad in the most boring city you could possibly imagine. AND he'll be lucky if he sees another black person for a while. He better get used to small town white folks fast.

2006-02-22T18:33:00.000-05:00

The Brandtzaeg Curse

Everyone knows that listening to your mother is a good thing. The problem is you usually find that out after for example, not looking both ways before crossing the street and getting smushed by that big car.
The other day I decide to pop into the dentist for a quick in and out. You know, "Oh hello there Dr.! Can I have one cleaning to go, with a side of those funky toothbrushes and maybe some free stickers?"
I was breezy, I was carefree, I was yes, I must say lovely in my innocence.
The hygienist took ne look in my mouth and "Holy g-d what the hell?" She looked at me like I had just crawled out of a cave. "Have you never heard of flossing?", she pretty much snarled at me. I have never seen a hygieist that upset. I mean she acted like it was a personal attack on her and all she stands for. I think she loves her job. Must be nice.
Okay so my flossing habits were not consistent. I figured a haphazard once every two months would do the trick, after all it's not like I don't brush.
Well I was wrong. Apparently my not flossing has resulted in what they call "a bloody mess" in dental lingo.
I need a cleaning, root canal, filling, extraction, crown.... my Insurance company is going to drop me.
So yesterday my first cleaning went well for about 5 minutes. Then I started to hemorrhage, for the next 12 hours.
After an emergency intervention by my dentist, an exam by a physician, a molestation by a lab tech who drew enough blood to keep a vampire fed for a year, I sit here awaiting results that will tell me that a) I have hemophilia, b) I have some other hemoglobin disorder, c) some kind of liver problem, d) or just a case of the Brandtzaeg curse
According to my Mom, my Bestamor's side of the family, the Brandtzaeg's have this little blood issue where they bruise for no reason (me), and bleed profusely at inopportune moments (apparently me).
First time I've ever heard of the curse. I wonder what else she is keeping from me.